she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize