she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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