the condom got lost in my hair
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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