I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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