Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
