just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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