My liver just broke up with me...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
