this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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