Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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