I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
