i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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