You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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