eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize