when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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