He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize