my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
