shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
