yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He did a backflip because drugs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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