Whod you bang
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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