I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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