I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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