go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
