Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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