Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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