At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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