remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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