She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
