If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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