those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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