false alarm. still invincible.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
