oh god the rape fog is back!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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