Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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