yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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