Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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