hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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