My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
