All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
