Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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