Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
