Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
