the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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