I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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