i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
