Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
