hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
