ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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