I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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