We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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