I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
