youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize