Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
