i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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