I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The uberlube is also flammable
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
