Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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