It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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