Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
