HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
