do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
