oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry about my life...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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