Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
