oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
