She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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