Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
