I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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