Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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