there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
