Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dear god my vagina.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
