Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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