don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize