there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
