I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
