I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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