Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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