you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
