You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
