I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
