So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize