Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Someone shit on the floor
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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