Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
