my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
